Sunday, July 18, 2010
Today is hard
At times I think I've gotten a handle on this grief thing. But then like today I realize I haven't. I feel so alone. I went to church today and felt like everyone else there had someone, except me. Someone to talk to, someone to listen, just someone to be with me. Sundays are hard. Everyday is hard, but Sundays are different. I can't really explain why at the moment. All I can say is that though I look put together and according to others, "good". I still feel like crap. I still need the phone calls, texts, late night visits and friends. Where has everyone gone to? It's only been 7 weeks and it feels like an eternity. I feel people have forgotten us and most importantly Dylan. I really worry about that. I worry that people will have forgotten about my sweet boy. Today is just really hard.
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I haven't forgotten. I think of you and Dylan and the rest of your family often. I think of your parents too and what wonderful grandparents I imagine they are and how hard losing Dylan must have been for everyone. I think of Brianna and how hard it would be to lose a sibling. When my father died, my mother found it very hard to go to church at first and for a while. I wish I could do more that say "I'm sorry for your loss" and that I know you will see him again. I think it is amazing you can blog about this. I don't know if I could. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteJeff and I were talking about you two nights ago and how if we had stayed in the same ward longer we would have been really good friends. I wish so badly that I could be there more for you right now. I wish that I could just drop by tonight and hang out, play games or something to pass the time. We still think about you often, and pray for your family daily. I miss you and love you. I love reading your blog, I love that you're doing this. It takes down the mystery of what is going on in your head and when I DO finally get to see you, it will feel good. I wish everyone was reading your blog. I Love your honesty.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers going your way
ReplyDeleteSundays were hard for me for quite a while. Everyone's life moves on and ours sits still for a while. It is so hard and I am so sorry you have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteI know it feels like people have forgotten about you and Dylan, but they haven't. I think it is hard for them to bring it up for fear of making you sad, which they don't realize that it is not them making you sad. It is the loss of our little ones. It is just nice to hear their names.
Hang in there.
Sending love your way!
Jen- Angel Kamber's mom
I was TERRIFIED Hannah would be forgotten. I understand.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs and prayers.