8 months

This sweet little girl turns 8 months today. She currently loves repeating "dada". Kalen of course LOVES it. She is able to sit by herself for a few minutes before rolling over. She does love trying to crawl. It's pretty funny watching her move backwards. She decided just last week to finally take a bottle which has made my life a little easier. My life had revolved around "feedings".

Her loves include:
Her blanket
Sweet potatoes
Brianna
Daddy
Mommy
Bananas


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Not sure what to title this

I need to vent!!!

I'm not looking forward at all for Christmas. It's when families get together and mine can't be "together". I HATE it! I hate that Dylan isn't here. I hate that Isabella and Brianna have a crazy mom. I HATE that I live in a fog. I try. I really do. This has been an extremely difficult year. Many don't even talk of Dylan's name. He is MISSED. We want to talk about him. I want him back and HATE that I can't.

Due to living in a "fog" not all my memories of Dylan are correct. I can't remember what his hair felt like, how heavy he was in my arms, what his laugh sounded like, what the callouses on his finger felt like and so much more. I have to look at pictures and movies. I HATE that! I HATE it!

It's an emotional day. Bear with me........

Christmas Wish and update

I know that I haven't blogged in forever. Life with a baby is hard. It feels even harder having a baby while your are grieving. I am tired all the time.

Sweet Isabella is almost 10 months old. Can you believe it? I do most of my updates on her on Facebook. Good thing we have lots of pictures of her. I have a ton of a scrap booking that needs to be done.

There have been numerous times that I have wanted to blog but time just seems to escape from me. I couldn't sleep so I decided to blog.

As Christmas approaches, my heart feels heavier. I still can't believe that Dylan isn't here. This will be Isabella's first Christmas and Dylan's second one not being here. It's hard to explain how I feel.

Everyday is hard without Dylan being here. He is still the first and last thought I have getting in and out of bed. People who have been living with the unimaginable pain of losing a child says the grief changes, but it never fully goes away. Oh can it? I'm not sure when, but I'm gradually able to function a little better. I'm still a mess. Kalen and Brianna have been troopers to put up with me. Isabella doesn't know what I use to be like. I feel bad for her, but I guess if she doesn't know what I was like before Dylan died she cant compare. We actually have more nights now where I actually make a dinner. I can't even begin to explain how difficult trying to make a meal can be. I still feel like I'm watching myself living or that it's a dream. It's a very strange feeling. I try VERY hard to be present. It's a very difficult thing to do.

I'm not sure how many blog readers we have left, but to those of you that are pleasantly surprised that I have new post, I'm asking, no, I'm pleading with you to help us fill Dylan's stocking with letters/emails with acts of service that you perform between now and Christmas. We read the ones we got last year on Christmas and were amazed at the selfless and generous acts you provided to others. It warmed our hearts when we were feeling a huge void in our hearts. I love that so many refereed the day that service was provided as Dylan's day. It means that Dylan isn't forgotten. That's a mother and father's fear. Doing acts with Dylan in mind, to help fill his stocking, helps me know that others still care and that he IS remembered.

So with that being said, please drop off or send your letters to our home (let me know if you need our address) or email me them, or send them through Facebook. I am looking forward to (crossing my fingers people will participate again this year) reading those letters. Remember if you want to remain anonymous you can.

Thank You!

Let me know if you have any questions;)

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