I need to vent!!!
I'm not looking forward at all for Christmas. It's when families get together and mine can't be "together". I HATE it! I hate that Dylan isn't here. I hate that Isabella and Brianna have a crazy mom. I HATE that I live in a fog. I try. I really do. This has been an extremely difficult year. Many don't even talk of Dylan's name. He is MISSED. We want to talk about him. I want him back and HATE that I can't.
Due to living in a "fog" not all my memories of Dylan are correct. I can't remember what his hair felt like, how heavy he was in my arms, what his laugh sounded like, what the callouses on his finger felt like and so much more. I have to look at pictures and movies. I HATE that! I HATE it!
It's an emotional day. Bear with me........
I really appreciate your honesty and I'm so sorry. This time of year, as happy and magical as it can be, tends to rub me raw. If you find a way to turn back time and bring our wonderful boys, will you please let me know?
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you.
Erin
Erin
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment! I wish I could find a way for our boys to come back now. I long for that day....
I'm so sorry you are having a hard day. This definitely is a difficult time of year for all of us angel mom's. I understand your fog. I get so frustrated sometimes that I am still dealing with that stupid "fog" and it has been two years now since Hailey left our family. I hope that some how you can find some peace. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete--Melica (Hailey's mom)
I love you. Thank you for posting exactly what I'm feeling. I told my husband last night that my most vivid memories of my son are giving birth, and then finding him dead and the funeral. Everything else is foggy and blurry!!! And I hate it too!
ReplyDeleteI will NEVER forget Dylan! His crazy laugh, and that wonderful, missing-teeth smile! If you need me to, I can come over and you can talk about your little boy all you want! I'd love to hear it!
Kaylen, Francesca, & Brianna,
ReplyDeleteHello My family. I hope you are all well, & had a great holiday season! As I am waiting for Kevin to get home from work, tonight, or most likely tomorrow. I thought I would get online & check our families blog. As I began reading some of your post about Dylan, & his last days of life, I found my eyes began to tear up. Feeling compassion for you my family, to have one of your children be taken, to be with God. Then I thought of all of my happy memories, that I have of Dylan. His laugh, I can still hear today, & I believe I will always! He was such a blessing to me, reminding me that things don’t always go the way that we think they should. That some things in life just stink! I have to remind Kevin, as well as myself, when I have to deal with some of the struggles, & trials, that I have sustained, from brain damage. That life will, & does have many struggles. Then I recalled one of my favorite verses, that I have drawn so much comfort from, even through my struggles, & trials that brain damage brought to me.
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I am reassured in this. I too, will always remember Dylan. I still will smile in the day, just remembering his smile, & wonderful laugh! He, although was here just a short time in this life, I am confident that I will see him in the next. I am sure, yes positively sure, that he will still be smiling & laughing!
I wish you love my Cousin, & I hope to see you again soon!
Love Your Cousin
~ Sandra L Cozad