As each month continues to go by, I'm still amazed that it's been one more month. I can't believe that next month will mark the year mark. One whole year without him. It's hard to fathom. It's so overwhelming to think about how long it will be until I see him again. That part is really hard for me. I miss Dylan so much. My heart still aches and has a huge hole in it. Trying to make sense of what our family has been through this past year is hard to wrap my head around.
I still haven't found my "new normal". Now with a newborn here, I feel so lost. I don't know what I'm doing. I pray that Isabella will be patient with me as I continue to figure out what I'm doing.
I feel so bad for Brianna. I know she needs more and I just don't have it in me. Recovering from my c-section is hard. Being exhausted makes it harder. And grieving makes it so extremely hard.
I feel like I have a lot on my plate that must get done daily. Most things don't get done daily. But I try to do the most important.
Sorry this post is all over the place. I have a lot on my mind and heart today.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, April 29, 2011
Isabella
I can't believe it's taken me almost 3 weeks to do a post about Isabella's birth. She was born on Sunday, April 10. She weighed 7 lbs 12 ozs. She's my smallest baby. We love her so much!
I can already tell she's gonna give us a run for our money. My doctor examined me right before taking me back to the OR. Isabella decided to flip back into a breech position. I couldn't believe it. I was so nervous when they were trying to give me my spinal. I just remember shaking. It was really cold in the OR.
They got me all prepped and then Kalen came in. I was so nervous. There were so many thoughts running through my head. I was just praying that all would be okay when Isabella came into this world feet first. I heard her cry and a slight sense of peace washed over me. I kept asking Kalen if she was okay and he said yes. She was shown to me from across the room and out of the corner of my eyes I saw her. She looked like Dylan. I can't explain the feeling that I felt. I was so mixed with emotions. When they finally brought her over to me to see her I was finally able to relax a little. She is beautiful. I instantly felt the love I know my Father in Heaven has for me. Our family has been blessed with this sweet baby girl. I just keep thinking that she's just fresh from heaven.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I can already tell she's gonna give us a run for our money. My doctor examined me right before taking me back to the OR. Isabella decided to flip back into a breech position. I couldn't believe it. I was so nervous when they were trying to give me my spinal. I just remember shaking. It was really cold in the OR.
They got me all prepped and then Kalen came in. I was so nervous. There were so many thoughts running through my head. I was just praying that all would be okay when Isabella came into this world feet first. I heard her cry and a slight sense of peace washed over me. I kept asking Kalen if she was okay and he said yes. She was shown to me from across the room and out of the corner of my eyes I saw her. She looked like Dylan. I can't explain the feeling that I felt. I was so mixed with emotions. When they finally brought her over to me to see her I was finally able to relax a little. She is beautiful. I instantly felt the love I know my Father in Heaven has for me. Our family has been blessed with this sweet baby girl. I just keep thinking that she's just fresh from heaven.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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