The Cord (author unknown)
We are connected, My Child and I,
By an invisible cord, not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects us 'till birth
This cord can't be seen by any on Earth.
This cord starts to work, right from the start.
It binds us together, attached to my heart.
I know that it's there, though no one can see.
The invisible cord, from my Child to Me.
The strength of this cord is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord man could create.
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone, though you're not with me.
The cord is still there, but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised...I am sore.
But this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I am thankful that God connects us this way,
A Mother, her Child, nothing can take away.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Happy 8th Birthday Dylan!
Today Dylan would have turned 8. It seems like yesterday that he was just born. I became a mom. I am filled with so many emotions today. Tears have been flowing steadily. I like to think that in Heaven they celebrate birthdays. Dylan is worth celebrating. We love and miss him so much! Happy Birthday Day, Bubba!
Loving and missing you always my sweet boy.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Down
That's how I've been feeling lately. Everything in my life seems to be unraveling. It's so frustrating.
For the most part we are well. I'm tired but what else is new. I guess I thought I had Isabella figured out and for the past 3 days she's been difficult.
On a good note, she is sleeping longer at night, which I am so grateful for. She loves to smile at everyone. I think Brianna can get the biggest smile out of her. She is also in the starting stages of laughing. It's more of a squawk than anything else.
Kalen has been working lots of long hours which makes for really long days. I feel like I never see him. I appreciate that he goes to work everyday.
Brianna just last week lost another tooth. She looks so cute. She has 4 more loose teeth in varying stages of "looseness". Is that really a word?
I'm busy with the girls. I've also been busy with exercising. It seems to have been consuming my life. I'm not as pleased as I would like but I've lost almost 15 pounds in 6 weeks. Not too shabby. My body does feel like it's falling apart. I hope it keeps going because I have a ton more weight that I need to lose.
Next Monday is Dylan's birthday. Since Kalen has to work we will be heading to the cemetery on Sunday for cupcakes and a balloon release with messages on them to Dylan.
I know part of the reason I'm struggling right now is that its getting closer to Dylan's birthday. I can't believe he would have been 8. I wonder what he would be doing now if he were still alive. Would he have mastered sitting independently for a few more seconds? He worked so hard during physical therapy. Would he still have his baby face? Would he still love music and vibration? Would he still like me to rock him? I hope he would. I really miss those quiet moments when it was just me and him in the middle of the night. Yes I was tired and many times exhausted but I am so grateful I had those times with him. I just wish I would have appreciated those times more when he was alive.
I hoping to that life will be a little brighter tomorrow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
For the most part we are well. I'm tired but what else is new. I guess I thought I had Isabella figured out and for the past 3 days she's been difficult.
On a good note, she is sleeping longer at night, which I am so grateful for. She loves to smile at everyone. I think Brianna can get the biggest smile out of her. She is also in the starting stages of laughing. It's more of a squawk than anything else.
Kalen has been working lots of long hours which makes for really long days. I feel like I never see him. I appreciate that he goes to work everyday.
Brianna just last week lost another tooth. She looks so cute. She has 4 more loose teeth in varying stages of "looseness". Is that really a word?
I'm busy with the girls. I've also been busy with exercising. It seems to have been consuming my life. I'm not as pleased as I would like but I've lost almost 15 pounds in 6 weeks. Not too shabby. My body does feel like it's falling apart. I hope it keeps going because I have a ton more weight that I need to lose.
Next Monday is Dylan's birthday. Since Kalen has to work we will be heading to the cemetery on Sunday for cupcakes and a balloon release with messages on them to Dylan.
I know part of the reason I'm struggling right now is that its getting closer to Dylan's birthday. I can't believe he would have been 8. I wonder what he would be doing now if he were still alive. Would he have mastered sitting independently for a few more seconds? He worked so hard during physical therapy. Would he still have his baby face? Would he still love music and vibration? Would he still like me to rock him? I hope he would. I really miss those quiet moments when it was just me and him in the middle of the night. Yes I was tired and many times exhausted but I am so grateful I had those times with him. I just wish I would have appreciated those times more when he was alive.
I hoping to that life will be a little brighter tomorrow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Reminder
Got this in the mail today. I HATE these kinds of reminders. July is another hard month. Dylan would have been turning 8. I can only imagine what our life would be like if he was here. I wish he was. I'm really missing him today.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Lately
I haven't blogged in awhile. It isn't due to a lack of words but I'm having a hard time putting what I'm feeling into a logical sense.
As I was rocking Isabella this evening, tears began to flow. The tears have been pushed back for a few weeks and they rushed over me. I couldn't keep them away. While I was singing one of Dylan's favorite songs, I just kept thinking how sad it is that Isabella won't know her brother. It's so heartbreaking. As I rocked her in the same rocking chair I did Dylan and Brianna I was trying to remember what it was like rocking both of them as well as making the memory of rocking her. I don't want to forget. I miss the awkward angle I had to hold Dylan while rocking him because he was so tall. I wish I could feel his weight again and the rhythm of his breathing. I miss him so much. I would give anything to hear his laugh, to see his face, his smile but just to be able to hug and hold him is what I want right now.
There are times since Isabella has been born that I worry I'm betraying Dylan by opening my heart and loving Isabella. I know rationally that I'm not. I find myself staring at her, wondering what she'll be like when she's a little older. I love her so much. Although she drives me a little crazy at times, I'm so glad she's here and a part of our family. It doesn't seem right if she wasn't here. I hope and pray constantly that she will live a long healthy life. I wish the same for Brianna.
Having a child die and then having one born 6 weeks before the year mark has made for a whirlwind of emotions. I could try to explain what it's like but I can't make it make sense. Oh do I have questions.
I'm really missing my Dylan today and there isn't a particular reason why....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
As I was rocking Isabella this evening, tears began to flow. The tears have been pushed back for a few weeks and they rushed over me. I couldn't keep them away. While I was singing one of Dylan's favorite songs, I just kept thinking how sad it is that Isabella won't know her brother. It's so heartbreaking. As I rocked her in the same rocking chair I did Dylan and Brianna I was trying to remember what it was like rocking both of them as well as making the memory of rocking her. I don't want to forget. I miss the awkward angle I had to hold Dylan while rocking him because he was so tall. I wish I could feel his weight again and the rhythm of his breathing. I miss him so much. I would give anything to hear his laugh, to see his face, his smile but just to be able to hug and hold him is what I want right now.
There are times since Isabella has been born that I worry I'm betraying Dylan by opening my heart and loving Isabella. I know rationally that I'm not. I find myself staring at her, wondering what she'll be like when she's a little older. I love her so much. Although she drives me a little crazy at times, I'm so glad she's here and a part of our family. It doesn't seem right if she wasn't here. I hope and pray constantly that she will live a long healthy life. I wish the same for Brianna.
Having a child die and then having one born 6 weeks before the year mark has made for a whirlwind of emotions. I could try to explain what it's like but I can't make it make sense. Oh do I have questions.
I'm really missing my Dylan today and there isn't a particular reason why....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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