One of those days......

I seriously want to pull out my hair!! It's been one of those days. My kids are testing my patience beyond my limits. Being a mom is hard today! Trying to get stuff accomplished has been a nightmare. Isabella has been waking up in the middle of the night screaming. At first I thought it was teething or a possible ear infection, now I think she just wants my company. After an hour and a half of her half crying and screaming she finally went back to sleep. Of course I had to wake her up to take Brianna to school, so she's been off schedule ALL day.

So I'm crossing my fingers I will have enough patience to deal with the fighting, whining and crankiness. I'm also hoping for at least 7 straight hours of restful sleep. Hopefully it won't just be wishful thinking:)

My parents left last Friday for their mission....18 months seems so long. We hope to be able to visit them next summer for a few days. It's been the hardest on Brianna. She misses them. I'm grateful for FaceTime. It's so nice to see them and hear their voices.

I'm hoping I can have enough patience till Kalen gets home. Otherwise my sweet children will be spending the rest of the afternoon in their rooms..


Please tell me I'm not the only mom that isn't a HUGE fan of late afternoon/early evening.....

Love it!

Im LOVING this weather today. It's just the right temperature. Im not a huge fan of rain during the day, but seeing that I still get to have the sun for the afternoon I'll take it. The wind is a tad annoying but at least it's not hot. I really LOVE this time of year.

I need to get rain boots! My blog readers, what kind and where did you get yours??

-Francesca



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Today

It's one of those days where I just want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. Im tired...mentally, physically and emotionally.

I made an attempt to workout. That meant putting on my workout clothes. I ended up helping my Mom with something and now the motivation to go has magically disappeared. Does that ever happen to you???

I have SO many things to do today, and yet don't have any motivation to do them.

Isabella decided to take a morning nap so maybe I should take advantage of the situation. But which do I choose....sleep or my long list of things to do.

I'm emotionally drained today. Lots of changes are happening. (I'll save that for another post)

On a more positive note, I loved the comments you guys left here or in Facebook about what you are grateful for. It made me happy!

Happy Thursday everyone.

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Motherhood

When I was little I dreamed about being a mom. I wanted lots and lots of kids. I mean like 10 kids. I think that idea stemmed from having only 1 brother. We were so close growing up. Yes we had our fights, but we were buds. I missed him when he'd spend the night at a friends house or go on a scouting overnighter. I always wished I had someone else to play with when he was gone. I figured if I had lots of kids, no one would get lonely.

As I got older, the number dwindled from 10 to 8 to 6 to 4. We currently have 3. Could I handle one more? Can my heart love again? Those questions weigh heavily on my mind.

Motherhood is SO hard somedays and what seems like a piece if cake on other days. I am grateful I am able to be a mom. To be able to experience loving and caring for someone besides myself. I am SO grateful for my kids.

Dylan taught me so many things. I learned patience, the ability to dig deep within myself and fight for him because he couldn't, to love unconditionally, to appreciate the small things. I found so much joy in Dylan. He loved simple things. He LOVED wrapping tissue paper. Who would have thought such a simple thing could bring hours of laughter. I learned to appreciate the sun rise and that I would be able to take on whatever the day would bring. I learned that Dylan despite all of his challenges was happy. He knew he was loved. I learned that the dishes could wait and that just holding him when he was having a bad day to make all the difference in the world. I learned to be less judgemental of others based on what they looked like, how they dressed, how they talked. He taught me how to love like I had never loved before.

I remember after he was first born as I held him in my arms, that he was here. He was perfect. He was mine as a gift from a loving Heavenly Father who entrusted me into his care. When Dylan started having complications 12 hours or so after birth I remember my heart aching. How quickly I had fall in love with my sweet boy. I would have given my life for him.



Fast forward 16 months and I found out that I was pregnant. I was hoping for a girl. Brianna was an answer to my prayers. She was perfect in every way. I remember holding her after she was a few hours old and being overcome with emotion. She was here. She was mine. Another gift. I was adamant in my mind that she would not have a neurologist, an infant team of therapists (even though I have a deep love and affection for all those who have worked with Dylan....I didn't want to deal with it) or have to deal with the ALTA Regional Center in any way. I remember when she didn't pass the newborn hearing test at first. I was overcome by fear. I didn't want to deal with any more doctors or therapists. That was my journey with Dylan. Brianna's had to be different. It just had to be. They tested her the next day and she passed with flying colors. Brianna has taught me that there is so much good and kindness in the world. She came to our family with a calmness. She has taught me to think about how someone else might be feeling. She has taught me to laugh. Especially after Dylan died. She was the one here who forced me to get out of bed and to take my grief head on. She has taught me how to be kind. She taught me what it's like to have a "typical" child. She is such a sweet girl with an amazing spirit and personality. I always hear how sweet she is from others. her current teacher told her and I that "Brianna has an old soul". i believe it. I don't think it's anything Kalen or I did, its just her. She was always sweet and kind to Dylan. She loved helping with her big brother who needed lots of caring. I can see her as a nurse or a therapist when she's older. She LOVES helping people. My heart must have expanded after Brianna was born, because I once again, I loved like I had never loved someone after she was born.


Then comes Isabella. She came during the storm of our family's life. I thought she would be a calmness to us, but she has brought something much different. She has brought an energy our family has never before. I have learned A LOT from her. I've learned that although life is hard that it can be filled with goodness and sweetness at the same time. She has helped my heart to love again. After Dylan died I didn't think I'd ever be able to love another child if one came to our family. I didn't want to go through the heartache again if something were to happen to her. I have learned to love again. Not only her but our loving Heavenly Father. Through her I've learned to trust again. To cherish sunrises and to take on the day, whatever will come. I know I have lots to learn from her but the few things I have learned in her short 18 months are huge for me.


While there are PLENTY moments where I wish I could curl up and read a book (usually on parenting and family dynamics), go to the bathroom without an audience, take a nap, and not have piles and piles laundry to do, Im grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be a mom.

My kids have made me better. They have helped me grow. Im grateful for them and the lessons I've learned.

What are you grateful for???? Leave a comment here or on Facebook. Im curious!

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Traditions

We started a new tradition tonight at the dinner table. We all took turns saying nice things about each person in our family. Im hoping to build all of our "emotional banks" with "deposits" and help have a kinder and sweeter spirit in our home.

Some nice things of what was said.....

Brianna about Kalen - that he went and worked hard today (he stayed home sick since he has a horrible cold and sore throat) and then changed it to helping her with her homework. Ha!

Brianna about Isabella - that she wasn't crazy today

Brianna about me - that I spent time with her today

I can't wait to see what we will share tomorrow.

What traditions do you have in your families?


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Trying something new

So how many of you are ADDICTED to Pinterest?? I could spend hours and hours on there. I'm proud to admit that I have actually tried a few recipes but still have to attempt all the crafts and sewing projects.

With that being said, I found this idea. I thought it is a great idea. I'm hoping Brianna will enjoy it too!
I'm writing the first message today. Hopefully it will be something that lasts for years. I can't wait to see what is on her mind.

Here's a picture of our book:



I was out running errands with Brianna last week and I was explaining to her what I wanted to do and asked if she wanted to do it. She LOVED the idea. So together we picked this notebook from the $1 section. I made the label for the front. I figured out how to download a font and install it. I'm SUPER proud of myself.....it was easy.

I'm hoping this notebook will be filled with love, secrets and wishes.....

I can't wait to see what she writes to me.

What things do you do to strengthen the bond with your kid(s)?

What Pinterest ideas have you done?



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Pick up

I know I'm not the first, nor will I be the last mom who deals with this problem, but picking Brianna up from school is a nightmare with Isabella's nap time.

Today Isabella fell asleep in the car and woke up when a mom introduced herself to me. I hope I came across friendly because inside my head I was screaming, "Please don't talk to me, at least not today." I knew Isabella would wake up. Sure enough she did. It's 4:00 and she finally decided she'd take her nap. I wonder what time she'll go to bed tonight. I'm crossing my fingers it won't be too late.

Now to figure out what the heck is for dinner. It might be a "cereal for dinner" kind of night. You have those in your house, right???

Ah......the joys of motherhood.


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Fall where are you??

I'm not really sure what the rest of the weather is like outside of Northern California, but I do know its HOT here. I'm so ready for fall. It's one of my favorite seasons.

Here's my top 15 reasons I love fall:
1. Apple Pie
2. A family trip to Apple Hill (getting apple donuts while there's Maybe I should make that number 3)
3. Leaving the windows open pretty much all day.
4. Being able to wear my Uggs.
5. Sweaters
6. Pumpkins
7. Sweaters and jeans
8. Hot chocolate
9. The changing colors of the leaves.
10. Watching Brianna get excited for trick or treating
11. Thanksgiving
12. Cold morning runs
13. The cooler temperature
14. My favorite tv shows are back from the summer hiatus.
15. Soup and casseroles. Yummy "comfort" foods

What are your favorite things about Fall?

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Something to think about

Since I'm wide awake (see previous post) I figured I should take a minute while its somewhat quiet to write about something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. EVERY TIME I hear it I cringe. I've already shared my feelings with a few people hoping to educate them and now I'm letting the world know. (or at least my blog followers) I expect that many wont understand or see what the big deal is, but just read my feelings and possibly try to understand.

I HATE the word retard or retarded. It is now used in everyday language. How many times have you heard someone else or yourself say, "you're retarded, that's retarded, he/she's retarded, I'm retarded"?? I know growing up I said it. I also remember my mom telling me not to do it. I didn't understand what the big deal was. Well fast forward about 10-20 years and I finally understood. I learned it firsthand.

Did you know that one of the diagnosis Dylan had in order to get services was Mental Retardation?? It's a medical term but society has made it a derogatory term or word. I don't like that it was one of the many diagnosis's he had, probably because I know how cruel the world can be.

I'm not sure if I ever posted about this incident before but it makes me sick. One day about 7-8 years ago, Kalen took Dylan to the grocery store. Dylan was pretty little. Kalen was proudly pushing Dylan in his wheelchair, since Dylan didn't have the muscle strength to sit in a shopping cart. Well he went to one of the many grocery stores that surrounds our home. It was a short list because its nearly IMPOSSIBLE, to push a wheelchair and shopping cart at the same time. I've done it, so I know how INCREDIBLY difficult it can be. Anyhow....Kalen went to the end display to pick up some bagels. It was "around" the corner of the isle where he left Dylan. Let me state that Kalen could still see Dylan. Two guys (high school/college age) came up to Dylan and were poking at him and saying, "look at the @*•@ing retard". Dylan started screaming. Kalen became infuriated and once those high school/college kids saw Kalen with a loaf of French bread (closest thing he could grab) in his hand they ran out of the store. What kind of person does that to anyone, especially a child??? Dylan was about 1 1/2 when this happened. That's Isabella's age in a few days.

I've learned that people can be cruel and hurtful. I also know that people can be kind and loving. I know that those that use the "R" word, probably have no clue how inappropriate and hurtful it is. My hope is that "good" will prevail the "evil" - the rudeness, the unkindness, the discrimination and it will be replaced with a new found level of love and kindness.

I was reading on one of the blogs I follow about her feelings about the use of the word retard. You can find her post here. It's about halfway through her post. I LOVE how she expresses her feelings, much better than me. Please read her post.

So I ask, just as Kelle did on her blog, remove the word "retard" and "retarded" from yours and your family's vocabulary ASAP.

Be kind and gentle to ALL those around you! I just don't understand how anyone could be mean to my sweet little boy who was different.....




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Sweet child of mine

I woke up an hour ago, thanks to Isabella. She couldn't find her beloved blanket. I went in and had to turn in the light to find it. (Worst thing to do, but it had to be done.) It was falling out the back side of the crib. I changed her diaper and rocked her for a bit. 60 mins later she is still awake rocking back and forth in her crib. What a silly girl......

It's going to be a LONG day. Hoping for an early nap:)


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