2 Months

Oh where do I begin. This has been a really hard week for me. I've been really emotional and anti-social(thanks to those that haven't given up on me...I will call, text or email you back). It's been a really draining week for me. I think it's a combination of Dylan's birthday this past Sunday and the 2 month mark today.

I've basically have had the feeling of a throat that is tightening. You know the feeling right before you cry A LOT. I cry at everything this week. I feel that this is getting harder. My memories still aren't back yet. Will they ever come back of my sweet boy?? I have no motivation to do anything. Basically this week, I've played A LOT of Super Mario Galaxy on Wii. I've watched tons of movies with Brianna. She currently is obsessed with my favorite movie, "Annie". She puts on her tap shoes and dances along. She's pretty good.

Here are some thoughts that I've had in the last 2 months:

• Meals are always welcomed(no onions)....I still don't want to cook anything
• We are learning what our family's "normal" is
• I still feel like I should be doing something
• My whole house will slowly get back to being clean
• I have to be patient with myself and others
• People still don't know what to say or how to act around me/us. (It's okay because I remember thinking the same thing when my other friend's children died)
• I still have nightmares about Dylan dying
• I CAN push myself to exercise and not have it hurt so badly
• I really need more "girl nights"
• I want to do more but feel like I'm being held back
• People have come and gone, while some have stayed
• Some days, I'm numb
• Brianna really wants her mom back to do stuff with
• People don't want to "burden" me with their problems...really I want to know what's going on with you
• I'm always thinking about Dylan, people need not worry about making me sad talking about him.
• How am I going to let Brianna go to Kindergarten without losing the rest of my mind?
• I haven't felt anger, when is it going to come?????
• I feel so ALONE and forgotten
• I feel like I'm "going through the motions of life", but it still feel so foreign.

My mind is jumbled right now, there is so much more that I want to say, but can't seem to put it into words that make sense. The days and weeks have been long, but short at the same time. Time has been put into a new perspective for me. Cherish those around you. Appreciate the small things. Hug your kids. You never know when it will be their time to return to their Heavenly home.