Questions that come to my mind often are:
1. Am I grieving too much?
2. Am I not grieving enough?
3. What's it gonna be like 6 months from now?
4. Why am I even thinking what's it gonna be like 6 months from now?
5. Will people remember Dylan's death in 6 months, a year, 3 years, 6 years?
6. If people do remember, will they tell us, show us, comfort us?
7. Why do I think about half the things I do?
8. Will our grief counselor really be able to help us? (we really like her, so glad we switched)
9. How many people have gone and visited the cemetery without us knowing?
10. Those that have gone has it been a good experience?
11. What is my bubba doing?
12. Is he happy?
13. Does he miss us?
14. Is B going to forget Dylan and the lessons he taught her?
15. Who is the next person's child I know going to die?
16. Why was Dylan one of the first?
17. Will I be able to comfort them in some way?
18. When will the motivation come back to clean my house?
19. When will I be "normal" and do I even want that?
20. I seriously want a shirt that says, "my son died, ask me about him".
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I *heart* you Franny.
ReplyDeleteI read your blog everyday.(or every time you post)
I pray for you every night.
I get teary eyed every time i do both.
I wish I had words of comfort.
I wish I answers for you.
I wish I could help you.
I just wanted you to know that I am out here...an ear to turn to.
I am so glad you are working with my mom, she is awesome.
I *heart* you franny.
You are grieving just the right amount for you. Period. NO one has the right to tell you you are grieving enough or not enough or you're doing it wrong. There *is* no RIGHT way to grieve--all ways are the RIGHT way.
ReplyDeleteI remember being happy one day about three months in and I was at a Compassionate Friends meeting and one of the leaders looked at me and said, "But you're still in shock, you're still new to grief." You know what? I never went back after that. That was it for me. I was completely turned off by somebody telling me what I felt wasn't correct. And, the kicker was, this was supposed to be a support group for people who had lost children. :sigh:
B will NOT forget Dylan. Lily was only 19 months old when we lost Hannah, yet she still KNOWS her and talks about her because WE keep Han alive for her, just as you will do for your children.
I will begin stories at bedtime with, "Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Hannah and she had a little sister named..." and let Lil fill in the blank. And then, I'll tell her stories of her big sister, lessons she taught.
As for six months from now, try not to worry about that. It'll come when it does and you'll be ready for it. Your "new normal" will eventually creep up on you.
Yes, people will still remember Dylan because YOU won't let them forget.
Clean your house? For me it was cooking. I knew I had to begin cooking again when the doorbell rang one day and my 23 month old child raced to the door crying, "Eesha eesha eesha" meaning "PIZZA". Yeah, I get that. That desire to clean will come back when it is right. Don't push yourself.
You will find there are many many members of this club of ours. You will NEVER again look at the somebody's loss of a child as you once did. You will find you want to reach out and let them know you care.
I don't think children in heaven miss us. I think for them, time is but a blink of the eye, and then we're with them. He's chillin' with your family, making friends with Han and all the Angel Mommies' kiddos. :o) I like that image SO much. :o)
I found there were two types of people out there, those who wouldn't talk of Hannah, who shut me out because they were too scared of "making you sad". And, there were/are those who will ask me to tell them about Hannah, will listen to me and smile, even if we do get teary-eyed. Those are the ones to hang out with. :o)
As for that T-shirt? I LOVE it! That had me laughing out loud. :o) Would you consider telling us more about Dylan? I'd LOVE to get to know him. :o)
Sorry to hijack your comments, lol!