Gratitude

Some days it's harder than others to feel gratitude. For example, both of the girls are sick today. I was up with Isabella all night. Trying to find something to be grateful for during their sickness has been a little challenging.

According to Wikipedia, the word grateful means "Gratitude, thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive." I'm not sure this definition is "complete". Being up all night with sick kids isn't a "benefit" that I have received or will receive anything. I guess the benefit is that I have children that I can be up with in the middle of the night with. I know what it's like not being able to be up at night with one of your children.

After Dylan died, finding things to be grateful for at times can be hard. I feel that there are no words to describe the emptiness and aching that I feel on a daily basis. Some days are harder than others. I know I've said this numerous times in my past blog posts. Trying to be happy and find peace in my life will now be a struggle that I have to deal with. Sure life had it's challenges before he died but once you have a child die, it changes EVERYTHING. It's changed how I see the sun rise, the sun set, the waves crashing on the shore, sick children, births of children, death of others (whether they be young or old), everyday moments, the moment when everything is quiet, laughter, anger and how I see myself.

I just finished reading a book, "365 Thank Yous - The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life", by John Kralik. You can check out the website here. It was a quick read. To make a short synopsis of the book, its a personal account of the author, who was feeling down/depressed with his life. He decided to write 365 Thank You notes as a New Year's Resolution. The change that happen to him was great. He saw that he was happier and appreciated others more. Those in contact with him saw the change in him too. This book has inspired me to do something about being grateful and showing my gratitude.

I'm really glad that I read this book. The topic of gratitude or being thankful has been on my mind A LOT!!! It has amazed me that this past year, I only received a few THANK YOU notes. I by no means did things or gave gifts with the expectation of receiving a THANK YOU note, but I still believe there is an etiquette that is required of baby shower gifts, wedding gifts, etc.

Let me state again, by NO means am I a great THANK YOU note writer. I'm hoping this year will change that. You might just get an unexpected THANK YOU note from me:)

This book helped me put into words what my thoughts have been and how I can act on my gratitude. I want this year to be "BETTER", remember? So I'm not just going to be "grateful" on Thanksgiving but seriously try everyday to find something or someone to be grateful/thankful for.

I have been truly blessed. I have a WONDERFUL family. I appreciate, Kalen working LONG, LONG hours to provide for our family. I am grateful that IF I have to take my children to the doctor, I can. I am grateful that I am able to have a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes to keep me warm. I am grateful for my children. Dylan who has taught me to see the "little things" in life and enjoy them, Brianna who has taught me what a true example of kindness looks like, and Isabella who has taught me it's okay to laugh again. I'm grateful (at times) that she keeps me SO busy grief can't overwhelm me CONSTANTLY. I am grateful that I know I have a Heavenly Father that LOVES me, even when I feel I am least deserving of it. I am grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered all the pain I have felt in my life and that if I live worthily, I will be able to return to live in HIS presence again some day. I am beyond grateful for the Gospel. The knowledge it gives me. It doesn't make everything better in an instant or in this life, but the promises that our Heavenly Father has given to us as long as well follow HIM, will be worth it. It HAS to be.

I hope you will take a few moments each day and reflect what you can be grateful for.

Let me know here or on Facebook, what are some of the things or people you are grateful for?