July 2012

So I'll begin where I left off.........

The 4th of July came and went. It was a fun holiday. The thought of Dylan laughing when we were watching the fireworks was something I thought about. There are moments that I feel his sweet presence and for some reason that night watching fireworks was one of those times. There was a stinging ache in my heart. As I looked around at my family that night, it was incomplete. Oh how I wish I could hold him in my arms and sing to him. It's painful still, to sing songs such as Itsy Bitsy Spider, I am a Child of God, and pretty any of the Primary Songs from Church. I'm much better about savoring the moments as I put Brianna and Isabella to bed each night. I personally know that in an instant everything can change.

July continued on. Here's a few photos from that month.












Brianna had to get two fillings. Not because she had cavities but because of the way two of her teeth formed. She was so nervous but did great!



Brianna participated in a kids 1/4 mile race at East Lawn. Here she is at the starting line.


She did GREAT. She came in 1st place. That was her goal. Kalen & I are so proud of her.


I ran my fastest 5k that day. I was SO happy and proud of myself. Kalen & the girls waited patiently for me to finish.









One thing I LOVE about summer and that I am able to stay home with our children, are lazy summer mornings. Those that have known me a long time or REALLY know me, know that I LOVE routine. But when it comes to summer our routine went out the window. One morning we found a dragonfly on our patio screen door. I was too scared to touch it, but Brianna LOVES bugs and insects. So of course she had to touch it. I hoped it wouldn't fly at me. She's definitely more like Kalen than me in that way.





Since Dylan died, July is an extra hard month. This year Dylan would have been 9. I try to imagine what he'd be like. Would he still find Velcro and tissue paper hilarious?? Would he love my raspberry kisses? Would I still be able to carry him? How bad would my back be hurting since I know we still would have had to carry him? Would he find Isabella as funny as the rest of the family does? How crazy would our household be with Dylan, Brianna and Isabella living in it at the same time? Would he have been better at holding his head much, sit independently, still love Mac & Cheese and oatmeal, still have 3+ therapies a day? Would life be as I remember it was? I was happy!
On July 25th, we met with my parents, brother and his family and our good friends the Thomander's at the cemetery. We wrote messages to Dylan on the balloons and sent them upward.














We had got there later than planned so we didn't have as much time as we wanted there. The security guard was patiently (sort of) waiting for us to leave. Kalen loaded the girls in the car and as everyone else drive away, I stood by Dylan's grave and let him know how much I love him and to help his cousin Finnley finally come to earth. I had been so anxious during my sister in law's pregnancy that Finnley would be born on Dylan's birthday. At that moment of whispering the feelings of my heart, I was overcome with a feeling of peace. Peace isn't something I have felt very often since Dylan died but for a brief second I felt it. If Finnley made his appearance on July 25th, I'd be okay. I just knew it. My sister in law, wasn't so lucky though .....he didn't come until the 31st. We were so glad when he arrived.





Brianna was so excited to hold her newest cousin!!!!


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