The tears are flowing a lot this evening. I miss Dylan. Brianna misses Dylan. Kalen misses Dylan. Brianna asked that I rock her and sing her a song. She was having a hard time going to sleep. The song she asked me to sing was one of Dylan's favorites. I could barely sing all three verses. Here are the lyrics:
I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here,
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.
Chorus
Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.
I am a child of God,
And so my needs are great;
Help me to understand his words
Before it grows too late.
Chorus
I am a child of God.
Rich blessings are in store;
If I but learn to do his will
I'll live with him once more.
Chorus
I am a child of God.
His promises are sure;
Celestial glory shall be mine
If I can but endure.
Chorus
As we sat in Dylan's room, where the rocking chair still sits, I could hardly keep myself together. I remembered as clear as day what it was like to rock him. I miss that. I miss Dylan. I miss my sweet, sweet boy. I am so worried that I am going to have memories start to fade. I WANT to remember everything!!!! So as I sat there, I thought about what it was like to rock Dylan while at the same time trying to create and keep that memory of rocking Brianna. I'm glad our brains can do multiple things at one time.
You will never lose the the memories. I remember all the times I spent with my dad. Hugs to all of you
ReplyDeleteOur counselor told us rocking your kids is one of the best things you can do with them! (Even big kids!) Because they get that physical touch, and feel loved and safe and they will open up to you more and talk. So keep rocking your girl! :)
ReplyDeleteSome memories do fade for awhile...but mostly while it just hurts so much to think of it. I don't think they go away permanently though, just up on a shelf for awhile. They'll still be there when you are ready to take them back down and slowly go through them.
For me some things were just too hard to think of for a long time. But they are starting to return, and sometimes, I can just remember the happy part instead of the painful part. Its progress. It comes with time and healing.
~Bethany