hasn't been the best few days and this always helps me feel better.
Welcome To Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Article printed with permission of the author.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Wow! That is beautiful! You are such an amazing woman with so much strength! Thank you for being all that you are.
ReplyDeleteFranny, your a 1 of a kind mom! You have amazing strength, most mom's only wish they had. Your a great mother, and your kids are blessed to have you as their mom, just as much as you are blessed to have them! Need anything please let me know!
ReplyDeleteThat is nice, Franny. I wish I could help you out somehow. You do still owe me a lunch date... I'm not sure if that will help you or me out, though.
ReplyDeleteIts a beautiful poem. Thanks! It was really nice talking to you the other day! ;)
ReplyDeleteI really needed to read that today, it is good to read and appreciate what I do have even on the days I feel like I am going crazy.
ReplyDeleteI really like that alot.
ReplyDeleteI may copy paste it sometime.
You are amazing to me.
Someday, when I grow up, i wanna be just like you.
Yes, life can be difficult. I can understand (to a much smaller degree) your pain, frustration and even joy at finding yourself somewhere you weren't planning on being. I truly admire your strength. Thanks for being such a good friend!
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