Sunday, October 19, 2008
Guilt Trips
I am so sick of guilt trips. I don't know how many of you have to deal with them or how often. for me, it's around the holidays...... It seems that people both relatives and nonrelatives don't get how difficult it is for us to attend events. When things are expected of us when they are extremely difficult for us to do, I think is completely rude. For example, we are expected to be somewhere for an upcoming holiday. Was it even discussed what would be the easiest with the kids. i mean both dylan and brianna...... No!!!! i can't stand people being rigid. This isn't the life I asked for and I have to make accomadations everyday. EVERYDAY!!!!! I don't get to do things that my friends with typical 5 year old get to do. I don't get to do typical things with my 3 year old because I'm so busy with my special needs child and don't really get help to allow me to do things with her. I get to deal with feeding tubes, seizures, therapies multiple times a day, feeling like my typical child is missing out on life, wondering how Brianna is doing with all the craziness of our lives, what's Dylan feeling, and a million other things. I know everyone has trials, but sometimes I just don't get why those close to us, ie. relatives, of all people don't even try to understand our situation. Just try to walk in my shoes is what I ask. Stairs regardless of how many is a challenge we have to worry about, but does that cross anyone else's mind. Sometimes yes, but not those you think would. I am just furious right now.....sorry for all the negativity, but i can only take so much sometimes!!!!!!
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Makes sense why you are frustrated. Maybe they think you will feel left out if they don't ask you? What if you dropped some subtle hints about how busy you are?
ReplyDeleteWhat I was trying to say in my long first comment on your blog about my daughter is that I don't know how you do it. Just having a very stubborn child with a learning disability people don't fully grasp is hard enough for me. I feel like we're in the same boat(well, I have my little toe in that boat). You're doing a great job. I can tell!
I think you are amazing! Anyone that knows anything about your life knows that you are a fantastic family and wonderful people to be around.
ReplyDeleteIf people, are not compassionate about the needs of your family then, (I know this is where I am supposed to tell you to ignore it...but "people" can be so maddening!!!!!!!!)
Be mad! then feel compassion for their ignorance and let it go.
I think your great!
Practice what has been drilled in your head since kindergarten..."JUST SAY NO!!" We are at a time in our lives to be selfish. Not selfish for ourselves, but for our families. Don't worry about making offenses. Just do what's best for you guys!!!
ReplyDeleteI always feel torn on Hollidays. I want to be with my family Cam wants to be with his. We have been trying to make everyone happy and we just end up tired, mad and frazziled. It's so not worth it to me. I want my family to be happy/relaxed on the hoilldays not running from house to house. And I get a TONS of guilt trips. I will never ever do that with any of my kids. If they can't make it fine we'll catch them next year and I'd be the one willing to go over to their houses not the other way around... Can you tell I have issue with this? Now you have a special needs and your family should be the first to be taken in consideration.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you just have to say no.
ReplyDeleteYou need to decide what works for you and what you want to do and then do that and take care of your family first. You might even like it better having your own family traditions.
We also try to do things with both families and sometimes, I just say, we are doing this and so we won't see you this holiday.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this right now. It is so frustrating when the people who should understand your situation better than most just do not think. And the whole part about feeling that your typical child is somehow missing out on things is something I struggle with also. And having a non verbal child is hard also because you don't always know what is going on with them, is there something more you could be doing, are they in pain and they don't know how to tell you where it is etc, etc.
ReplyDeleteYep, I agree w/ you and my sisters above. I guess you just have to say "NO" sometimes.
ReplyDeleteEven though it may be hard at times you and Kalen have know it's OK, and even right to choose what's best for YOUR family (Kalen, Dylan, Brianna and of course you!) If friends and family members can't accept this it's really their problem, although you will probably have to deal with the consequences. Some people either don't have the emotional maturity to deal with this or are too selfish to care. Regardless, you can't go wrong in choosing to do what you guys feel is best for your family. Lots of love!
ReplyDelete