This burden of grief that I carry everyday is so incredibly hard. I miss Dylan so much. I know people don't get what I am going through. I've come to the conclusion that unless you have lost a child, you will no idea about the amount of pain I am feeling, the emotions that I feel, or what it's like. Please quit trying to "analyze" me.
Those that have a child or children alive are able to still see, smell, touch, hug and kiss them. Me on the other hand, he is buried in the ground. I can't see him. I can't stroke his hair. I can't smell his stinky feet. I can't see his smile. I can't hear his laugh. The cold hard truth is that my son is died. Each day is so hard. I can't accomplish the simplest of tasks. I'm so disorganized. I have nothing to do. I HATE this!!! My world is so different. Brianna is at school right now, and my heart is missing both of my kids right now. With Brianna I at least get to see her in an hour. With Dylan, not knowing when we will be reunited is so unbearable. I can't write him letters, emails or talk on the phone. Oh how I long to see his sweet face and put my arms around him.
I'm so sorry. I truly am. It doesn't help when people say to me, "But she IS with you, you know that." I don't CARE about that. I WANT her with me PHYSICALLY.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I DO care. I just want her with me more. :oS
Hugs. Many hugs and lots of prayers.
Just today I read an article on yahoo about "how we grieve now" and thought of you. It was interesting. The last few sentences of your post also caught my attention. Your posts are often your deep thoughts. Why can't you write lettesr to Dylan? It was also mentioned in that article. Perhaps it will help find small moments of peace among your pain. Obviously, I don't know what you're going through. And you may find that suggestion intrusive. Just know that it comes from a desire to reach out from thousands of miles away.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Francesca!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteyour in my thoughts.
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