1. People will "ALWAYS" ask how I'm doing, even though they know Dylan passed away. Do they really think my answer will be "good"?
2. People won't talk about Dylan. I can't figure out why.
3. Grieving SUCKS!!!!!
4. I miss Dylan so much. Our family just doesn't feel the same.
5. Tomorrow will be 1 month (6/29/2010) since Dylan died and my world hasn't restarted.
6. It hasn't gotten any easier.
7. People think that I'm strong and amazing but I don't feel that way.
8. Some people are so rude and inconsiderate.
9. I feel privileged to know the Rogers family.
10. "Just Dance" on Wii can keep sadness away for a few minutes.
11. Family relationships are now more meaningful. And it's frustrating when others don't see that.
12. People have forgotten the value of relationships and harbor ill feelings for bizarre reasons. This is hard for me since death can and will happen to everyone. All I can say is "get over it and truly get to know others around you".
13. I worry more about Brianna and Kalen. Nothing bad can happen to them right now.
14. People have no idea what it's like to lose a child unless they already have lost theirs.
15. I still am a "special needs" mom.(thank you to my "groupies")
16. Dylan's death is a big fat elephant in a room that some don't want to acknowledge. Why is that?
17. Brianna loves playdates. This is a new concept for us.
18. Some people honestly have NO tact.
19. I'm still on "Dylan" time.
20. I still will ask Kalen if he can go check on Dylan.
21. I still go and attempt to get the wheelchair out of the back of the car when going somewhere.
22. One of my new favorite places to go is to the cemetery.
23. My 4 year knows the word casket and what exactly it is.
24. Dylan's death has brought me and Kalen closer. Love you!!!
25. People's lives have gone on like normal but ours hasn't.
26. Birthdays are now different.
27. It's hard seeing boys.
28. I wonder often if people think about Dylan and what they think about.
29. When my head hits the pillow I instantly fall asleep. I'm emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.
30. I want to be the best person I can be so I can spend forever with Dylan.
31. Each day that passes is one more day closer to seeing Dylan again.
There are so many more things but I have a pounding headache from too much sun today. Maybe I'll share another day.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Jeff and I think about you and your family often Francesca, and you are constantly in our prayers. Justin still asks me questions about Dylan and I feel like he remembers hanging out at your house and being with Dylan. I think about Dylan daily (and I'm not sure if you will remember why or not) but it's because Justin is now wearing all of Dylan's absolutely adorable cute clothes. I was wondering if you ever wanted them back, if you are hanging on to more stuff now that he's gone, or what you are doing. I just want you to know how much we love Dylan and your family. WE would LOVE to do a playdate with you guys. Justin and Brianna had a lot of fun together, I think we should give it another "long distance" shot!! Not sure if you're up for a drive, but we would love to have you guys. We can always come to you if it's easier, let me know.
ReplyDeleteThe number that stood out to me was the one where you still go to the back of your car to get his wheelchair. I would do that too. Habbits are funny things, they help us so much, but when things change, they sure do SUCK! I love you Francesca. I'm so glad you have Staci.
Hi Francesca,
ReplyDeleteI followed your link from the Angel Blog...I have been reading for the past couple of weeks. I am so sorry about Dylan. My heart aches for you.
Thank you for this post. I have experienced most if not all of the things you wrote about. I appreciate your honesty...I appreciate knowing, even a year and a half after my own son has passed away...that there is someone out there who knows how I feel. I hope you can feel it too, that there are those who share your pain.
I don't know that saying "it will get easier" is the right thing to say, but I know that I have gotten stronger. People are still insensitive and tactless but I am not as easily hurt. In the beginning I thought I would have to hide away from human race and the thoughtless things they said and did, but now I allow those who know to have a greater impact on me than those who just don't get it. It is to people like you to whom I turn when I just can't take it anymore.
I know that you are hurting right now. I know that the pain will last a long time. It may seem so strange to you, but you give me much strength. We may be small in numbers, but we are in this together.
Hang in there...
Much love to you and your sweet family.
You are in my prayers.
I appreciate that you post something just about everyday. I think about you many many times a day, and wonder how you are doing. I have never been close enough to you to call and ask, so it is good to read your thoughts as answers to my questions. I wish there was something someone could do to take away your pain, but I don't think you want your pain gone, it helps you remember him. Just know that people, even those you never would think, are thinking about you...daily. I love you and your family and they great example you are to those around you. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWell, I love ya, and I think about you alot.
ReplyDeleteI love your List! I hope I am not gonna be one of those people on it and do something stupid.
But I probably will be one of those people who "asks you how you are doing", and "has no Tact",
I really just dont know what to say.
I have no idea how you feel. All I know is that the whole thing sucks. and I wish I had a time machine or something.
I didnt know your Dylan, I never got to meet him, but from what I have heard he was wonderful.
I just am gonna send hugs via my mom, good thoughts, and nightly prayers.
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ReplyDeleteI am thinking about you and there is a prayer in my heart for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJust know that every feeling or experience that you mentioned is exaclty what every other grieving mother has felt or experienced.
People are afraid to talk about our loved one that passed because:
1. They think somehow we aren't thinking about them and don't want to remind us or bring up pain. If we start to cry, then what do they do? Too awkward fot them. and
2. They think it is contagious. If they acknowledge that our child died, then they open the door to the possibility that their child could die.
You said you want to be the best person you can, to live with Dylan forever. As awful as this all is, you will become a better person through this. You will be amazed who you already are, and didn't realize, and who you will become.
I love you my new friend. If you need anything, email or call.
Colleen
http://heroesinheaven.blogspot.com
I found there were two types of people in my life, those who would talk about Hannah and listen to me talk about her, and those that shied away from any and all mention of my girl. I lost friends over this.
ReplyDeleteThis is a bumpy bumpy ride full of ups and downs. Just keep holding on.
HUGS!
Although we aren't that close, I do think about Dylan. I got to see him every once in awhile at church or church functions. He was always happy. His laugh was wonderful to listen to. So pure and honest. So when you wonder if others think about Dylan, & what it is. I'm sure they are happy loving memories of a boy laughing.
ReplyDelete