Should.......

I think I've pretty much always detested the word "should". I hate thinking that someone is telling me I have to do something. Today though, it isn't someone, its my brain. I guess in a round about way, I'm telling myself that I "should" be doing something. (Brain don't you know that you aren't suppose to do that!)

I was up 3 times with Sophia last night. It's rough today so far. I'm not sure why she was up so much. She might be teething, or gassy or wanted to nurse. Whatever the reason, I got up and comforted her. I am exhausted today. Despite being exhausted, I am grateful that I get to get up with her - with any of my kids for that matter. While sleep is a wonderful and magical thing, being able to get up to help one of kids at night is something I don't take for granted. It could also be, that because in the back of my mind I wonder if that will be the last time I will see them living and breathing. Something about having a child dies does that.

So because of lack of sleep and stress,  I am having a major flare up today. My body is achy all over. Prior to being diagnosed with 2 different auto immune diseases, I never hurt like this. It is a pain I had never experienced. It's awful and for me is debilitating. So while all I want to be doing is sleeping, because I know that's what I SHOULD be doing, my mind won't stop running a list of things I SHOULD be doing as well. Here's my list:

 1. Sweep the floors
 2. Mop the floors
 3. Start laundry (Wait didn't I do laundry already this week?? Why are my kids telling me they have no clothes)
 4. Check girls room for clothes
 5. Tell girls they need to clean and organize their room
 6. Make time to help girls organize their room
 7. Find a box for donations and grab trash bags
 8. Take a nap while Sophia is napping this morning (seeing I'm blogging and she is now crying again, this will not be happening)
 9. Send email to Brianna's teacher about the Science Project
10. Clean my bathroom
11. Find a way to get some sort of exercise because weigh in for the weight loss competition I'm doing is tomorrow morning. (I can barely move so this should be interesting)
12. Figure out why my body is not making milk and that I better get formula for Sophia (try not to have a breakdown because of this)

So to the word "should", I'm going to pretend that you don't exist today and do whatever I can to make it through the day!

I'm curious, if you could eliminate a word from your day what would it be??