Wednesday, September 17, 2014

My motherly thoughts

Watching Brianna grow up is bittersweet. Lately there has been lots of talk (on her end) of what it will be like when she's older. I see the excitement and wonder in her eyes but my heart aches. 

I no longer am "all knowing" in her mind. I've been hearing a lot of "I know that" or "that's not right, you're wrong". I can only  guess what my mom felt when I started saying these kinds of things. It's hard to swallow as a mom. I love watching her learn and grow but at the same time it reminds me that she won't stay little forever. I can see the struggle that faces her daily of wanting to do things someone older would do and then doing things younger girls do. I of course am silently trying to guide her to the younger girl choices.  

She is still my sweet girl despite the eye rolls and the occasional sassiness. I hope that she will feel confident with herself, that she won't follow the crowd or worry about what others think. I hope and pray that she will make good choices with whatever comes her way. 

When I stop and think about her getting older, I hope that I (meaning Kalen & I) will have prepared her for the world. That she will see the good around her instead of the bad. That she will love unconditionally. That she will share her light with those around her. That she will be a loyal friend. That others will be drawn towards her because she is different and stands up for what she believes in. 

Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's not a 8-5 job. It's constant. I never thought that I would worry so much about another as I do my kids. 

I hope that my girls know how much I love and adore them. I'm so grateful that I am their mother. While my "job" is not valued by the world as a worthy job, it is one of the most important ones I've ever had. I pray I can do it well. 

So here's to rolling with the punches (not literally) and trying not to laugh at my eye rolling queen, tantrum drama queen and baby that needs to be physically touching me ALL the time (is there a queen for that?). I'm grateful for my sweet girls. This isn't the easiest job, but it can and has been the most rewarding job I've done in my life so far.

Feeling emotional tonight. Grateful for my family. Missing Dylan. Standing in awe of how wonderful my kids are and how blessed I am. 


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