Seriously???

It's 3:42am and I am wide awake. It's not so much due to pregnancy as to the stresses of life. Ever have those moments where you just want to give up and throw in the towel? Well today is one of those days.

I am physically and emotionally drained. I'm worried about Brianna and school. I don't know how to keep Isabella in her bed at night. I'm worried about this baby. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get ahead. My list seems never ending.

We have almost 10 weeks until this baby comes and I am no where ready. I know life is going to change drastically and I am worried that I won't be up for the challenge. Taking care of a newborn is hard and exhausting. Add in a 2 year old that is currently testing the boundaries big time and an 8 year old who is desperately missing her friends at school since she is in a split class and doesn't see any of her close friends. I feel like it's a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to keep calm but it is hard. Add in pregnancy hormones and BAM!, I'm a mess. Kalen and I felt so strongly that we were suppose to have another member in our family. I can't wait to meet our newest addition. I'm really, really, really hoping for a calm, easy go with the flow baby. Do those even exist? Ha!

I wish that I had something thought provoking or powerful to say, but I don't. I'm tired. I want to sleep, but my mind is racing. Thoughts of what I need to start doing for the new baby, hoping Brianna's principal will respond to my email and will actually "hear" my concerns, stressing about what the best things would be to say "IF" she will meet with me, how I hate that I lose my "cool" with Isabella, is the baby okay?, is she kicking enough. These are just a few things that are running through my head at the moment. I wish I was sleeping. I know this means, I WILL be exhausted later today because I highly doubt I'll get a nap in.

I NEVER thought being a "MOM" would be so hard. It's definitely not what I thought it would be. The love I feel for my children is more than I ever thought possible. I think with that great love, great frustration can come too. I just want my kids to be happy. There is so much though that has to happen in order for them to be happy.

I started this week a no electronic policy in our house, no iPhones, iPads, iPods, TV or computer from the hours of 6-8pm. There hasn't been too much complaining from the kids. I don't think Kalen is a huge fan of this policy but I have been feeling that our family is too "distracted". Because we haven't been sucked in by electronics this week, we've been really really good about family scripture study and just talking with each other. I'm not sharing this as a "look at me and my family", but as something I hope that you might try in your families or just for yourself. It's amazing how much I didn't realize I check Facebook, play words with friends, candy crush saga, look on pinterest, or whatever else I felt I had to do with my phone. I hope that we will be able to keep it up. I did go to Brianna's back to school night last night and came home to the TV on. I was annoyed that the new policy wasn't enforced, but I can't ask for perfection just yet!

So this weekend I guess not only will we be putting together a crib but we will be taking down Isabella's. I am NOT looking forward to having her in a regular bed. I feel like it's going to open a whole new can of worms but it needs to be done. Pray for me and Isabella. Pray that I will have the patience and endurance to deal with this change. Pray for her that she will learn that she needs to stay in her bed when it's bedtime.

I just want us to be happy and right now I feel like it's a lofty goal. I'm trying but it's SO hard.

Here's to a great weekend!