Unexpected

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from a dear friend about a blog she found that she thought I could relate to and the story reminded her of me. I clicked on the link was instantly fixed on what I was reading. My eyes began to tear up and the anguish I have personally felt came rushing to "the surface". Whenever I hear of a family who has had a child die, it breaks my heart. I know all to well what some of the emotions they might be felling....helplessness, emotional and mental fatigue, guilt, anger, denial, the exhaustion that comes from trying to find peace. Well I felt so similar to the story I was reading. I just wanted to share with you all this mom's story. She was interviewed here. (click the word "here") You can find her personal blog here.(click the word "here") I found that the very last part of the interview was powerful and touched me. I too believe that God performs miracles and they probably won't always be how we want them, but nonetheless he does. There is no way I could have survived the past 3 years without the knowledge I have a loving Heavenly Father.

 It an emotional time for me as we approach what would have been Dylan's 10th birthday next week. I can't believe he'd be 10 years old. I can only imagine how big he would be. I bet he still would have his great laugh and smile. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me, despite my flaws and still wants the best for me. That He is willing to help me with my grief. I am grateful that I have a Savior that died for me, so I can overcome death and be reunited with Dylan again someday. I am grateful for my family near and far. I am beyond grateful to those friends who I can call, text or chat with when I'm having a bad day and missing Dylan and letting me cry, vent, or complain about how life is unfair without making me feeling judged. I am grateful for those that still let me talk about Dylan, the good times or the bad. Oh how I miss my sweet boy.

I can't believe that almost 10 years ago I was about to meet him, all 10 lbs 6ozs of him. I remember holding him for the first time. Savoring everything about that moment. How he smelled, looked and the sounds he made. I had become a mom. I had no idea the road that was ahead of me. There were many plains, hills and mountains I would have to climb. It's kinda ironic that I'm still having to climbed the hills and mountains even since he has died and they still involve him. Fast forward 10 years and I'm pregnant with our last kid. It's weird to think that our family is "complete" while still being incomplete. I wonder what she will be like. How she will look. What her personality will be. Because of Dylan and the challenges we faced raising him, I have learned to take NOTHING for granted. Life can change in an instance. We've all heard that before. I have been living this for the past 3 years and almost 2 months. Dylan was physically here one day and gone the next without warning. Yes there are times, that I might take things for granted, but it's almost like I'm reminded in some way or another that I need to appreciate those things a little more. I mean, I'M ONLY HUMAN! For example, Isabella getting into my bathroom, climbing on the toilet then to the counter to then put lotion on all over her arms and legs. While it drives me bonkers, I am grateful that she has those gross motor skills to climb and the mind to do so. I'm grateful for the helper that Brianna is. She will play with her sister just because I ask, although she might want to do something else. Brianna has compassion for others that I haven't seen in any other kid.

 I know in November that's when people really ponder what they are thankful/grateful for, but I ask you today in July, "What are you grateful/thankful for?" Leave a comment here or on Facebook. I know I've been missing from blogging, but I have been EXHAUSTED from growing this baby:) I promise to be better.