3 Years

Today has been a really hard and emotional day. I woke up and immediately starting crying. How did my eyes just start doing that?

Anyhow it's been a rough day. I know the saying, "Times heals all wounds". I TOTALLY disagree with this. Sometimes time makes it harder.

I am grateful for my friends that sent me Facebook messages first thing in the morning. They beat me to doing my status update about it being Dylan's Angel Day. I was extremely touched! I had posted one of my favorite pictures of Dylan with my status. It's this photo:



I LOVE his toothless grin. It makes me smile.

I'm grateful for friends & family who came to the cemetery, have brought flowers, heart attacked our porch, have sent texts, have brought dinner in, brought cookies, and have remembered Dylan. These friends are who have carried me through. It sucks beyond words that Dylan isn't here physically with us.

Year 3 seems so permanent, so the fact that people remembered warms my aching heart SO much.

I'd still love to see your bubble pictures, if you have them. On the app, Instagram, I used the hashtag #dylansangelday with the photos I uploaded today. Feel free to attach that hashtag to any bubble pics:) For those wondering why we do bubbles on his Angel Day, it's because he LOVED bubbles and it something we do to remember him.

Here's one of my FAVORITE pictures from last year:




There is A LOT less anger this year as compared to last year's Angel Day. Don't get me wrong I'm still angry some days. Some days I just scream, "Why Dylan", "Why us", "Why 2010"? Not knowing the answers to those questions drives me nuts if I think about them too long. I know one day I will know the answers to my questions.

Kalen took today off and it was nice having him home. Being able to talk about our sweet boy and still how strange it is he isn't here has been comforting.

Our family has definitely had its challenges. Dylan's death is at the top of the list. I'm grateful that we've stuck together instead of falling apart. Grief can do that. I've seen it happen to a few families I've met since Dylan died, whose child/children have passed away. It can make people bitter. I'm sure there are a few who have caught me on a bad day that would clump me in that category. Sometimes it's hard not to be bitter. Being happy is something I have had to re-learn. It doesn't feel normal. How strange is that,eh???

I am grateful for Isabella and Brianna. They have helped me beyond any words I could type. While there are times they drive me nuts (what mom hasn't with her kids), I am SO grateful for them. Brianna is my link to our "past" family and Isabella has been my link to our "present" family. I don't want you thinking that I don't consider Dylan a part of our family now, I do. But with his death it seemed to separate our family, my life, and time on earth for us. You will catch us saying, "Before Dylan died" or "Since or after Dylan died". I'm not sure why its that way but that's how it is in our family now.

I long for the day when our family will be complete and I will see Dylan again......happy and healthy. To hear his laugh and to see his smile. To touch his hair. To take in everything I can and not have to worry about him going anywhere. My faith gives me hope and a knowledge that death isn't the end. While its hard to be left here on Earth while Dylan is gone, I know that it's part of a wondrous plan that my Heavenly Father has. It doesn't make it easy by any means. It just gives me hope. I am grateful for that hope.

Thank you again to all those that have kept my family in your prayers, have taken a few moments to show how you and/or your family have remembered Dylan and to continue to be a friend wherever you may be. I appreciate it SO much!



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