It's coming.........

I know I haven't blogged in months. Sorry! Between sicknesses, motherhood, grief and everyday life I haven't made the time to write. My thoughts have been spinning in circles in my head. There have been many times that I find myself thinking, "I should blog today" or "that would make a good blog topic" or "I need to "update" my crazy life for our friends, family and blog readers.

Do you ever find yourself just wanting to "veg" out?? Kalen has been working LONG hours. I mean LONG hours. Just this past week he is back to a somewhat normal work schedule. It will be nice having him home earlier. I don't know how single or military moms do it. I was about to go crazy after week 2 of 7 weeks. I applaud the strength and the determination those women have.

Since Dylan died, many of you know Memorial Day is a painful reminder of what is to come for our family. I've been getting a TON of emails advertising sales. Usually I'd be all over a good sale but Memorial Day weekend is hard. Dylan was rushed to the hospital the Friday morning of Memorial Day weekend. Our lives have been forever changed.

We will be blowing bubbles on his Angel Day, May 29th. Just like in years past I ask you to email, text or Facebook your bubble photos to me. You can even Instagram them. I'm trying to think of a hash tag to go with them. Any ideas??

I went running for the first time in months yesterday. It was tough pushing Isabella. She has grown so much! I'm so sore today.

We celebrated Isabella's 2nd birthday in April. I can't believe she has been a part of our family for that long. It still feels surreal sometimes. Despite the many times she drives me bonkers, I am so grateful for her. She has taught me to laugh again. She has taught me how to stand my ground and not be a pushover. She has the best personality. She loves to count. She talks in sentences and tells you what she wants. It's kinda weird in a way. She still seems so little. Her favorite things to do are sing, color, read and count. She's mastered counting a little past 10. It's so sweet to hear her little voice. My heart truly expanded when she was born. I love her!

Brianna is finishing up 2nd grade in a few weeks. Where did the time go? Wasn't she just 5? I can't believe she will be 8 in August. She LOVES to read and draw me pictures. Usually her drawings are rainbows or hearts, with a message telling me, "You're the best Mom" or "I'm glad you're my Mom". Oh how I love her!! She also likes to take those pictures away if she gets mad at me. Hmmm...maybe a glimpse into her teenage years??? Brianna got braces on back in February to help close a really big gap in her two front teeth preventing the teeth next to them to be able to come down. She's had them on for 2 1/2 months and the gap is closed. It's amazing. I wonder when they will be coming off. She looks so much older with braces. It's scary! Brianna is a huge help with Isabella. They play well together for the most part. They do bicker which can be SUPER annoying, but I love watching them interact.

Kalen and I have been blessed with great kids! I wish our family was intact right now. I wish Dylan was here. I wish Isabella knew him not just by pictures. I wish I didn't have to carry the burden of grief and heartache. I wish the month of May wasn't so painful. I wish Dylan was here (yes thats here twice). I would give anything to hold him, to hug him, to hear his laugh. To see his smile......
Memories are all I have left, except for a few tangible items. I am grateful for those. The girls love watching a video I took of Dylan and Brianna a few days before he died. It's hard to see him so happy. To hear me be happy. Not knowing what would be coming unexpectedly to our family.

One thing I've learned since Dylan died is to appreciate your kids. When Dylan was alive I was taught by him how to appreciate the little things in life. To look for them. Those little things make up a whole lot. Since he died, I've learned not to take a day for granted, even the "bad" days. I'm not grateful for the "bad" days but I am grateful for the lessons that can and have been learned.

Please keep our family in your prayers. Especially this next week. The 28th and 29th are extremely painful.

I long for the day I will see Dylan and our family will be reunited. What a glorious day that will be!


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