Today is a blah day. Yesterday was as well. I really have been struggling lately. I mean REALLY struggling. That might come as a surprise to most, but I am. The daily tasks are hard. If I let you in my house, you'd be amazed at how disorganized it is. That's one of the frustrating things that has come with Dylan dying. I was so organized and on top of everything before he died. Now, it's another story. I try. Believe me I try. Life is just so overwhelming. I know that many think that I should be back to my old self. It isn't going to happen.
I miss Dylan. Kalen and I were just talking last night about how as time goes on it hasn't gotten any easier. If anything harder. The memories we have are farther away and it's been just way too long since we got to hold Dylan. I miss him so much. My brain is still trying to make sense of it. If I think about it too long I seriously feel crazy. It just doesn't make sense. I'm envious of all of you that have all your children here on earth with you. I wish I had all of my children here with me.
I don't expect many to understand the daily "hell" our family goes through everyday. We miss Dylan and wish he was here. There is a constant feeling that someone is missing. It SUCKS!!!!
Hi franny.
ReplyDeleteAs I read your blog the first thing that came to mind is...
you are right...
you will never be the same.
ever.
and that is okay.
and as we were texting, I did type...
"as for the Dylan thing...the whole thing sucks. I wish I could fix it"
I *heart* you.
and I think of you often.
I will never completely understand, but you can come over to my house and cry and scream all you want.