4 years

I have been trying to post this entry for 3 weeks now. Each member of my family has been sick sometime during the last 3 weeks. Plus there was the last week of school. During the last 3 weeks, we took time to remember our sweet Dylan on his Angel Day. We gathered with friends and family at the cemetery to honor him. We blew bubbles. Each year seems impossible that we've made it through another one. I can't believe it's been 4 years. It's very surreal. Kalen and I were just talking about how it seems like it was a different life. Those our age, it's kind of like when you think of high school. We have our memories and a few of his belongings and that's it. It's the strangest feeling and I don't like it.

This last year has been strange. While my emotions are very raw on some days, I've come to accept that because of grief some days are worse than others.

I recently had someone tell me that since Dylan's death they aren't sure how to "approach me". I've pondered about this. I find it strange but I get it in a way. Yes there have been blog posts I've written about how upset I've been at the hurtful things people have said to me BUT that doesn't mean you can't talk to me. Let me just stress that it's not at all helpful to tell a grieving special needs parent(s) that "their life must be so much better now that their special needs child is gone" or "that the only one in a hole is Dylan". Those are the some of the hurtful and outright rude comments that people have said to Kalen and I. It's my understanding that people haven't "approached" us (Kalen & I) because they are scared of saying the wrong thing. I feel that is a super lame excuse not to talk to us.

To me it's like the "golden rule". I think that's what it is called. You know the one that is "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all"...... or "treat others how you want to be treated".

I've been grateful for my friends that I have made since Dylan's death that don't hold me to some standard of "who I use to be". I'm grateful for those that I can call friends that have stuck with me through thick and thin. Who have seen me at my worst. Who have sent texts telling me they were thinking of me or that they saw a dragonfly or that they heard a sound that would have sent Dylan into a fit of laughter.

So to those of you that feel you can't talk to me, approach me or "handle" me, I say try. You might be surprised of just how friendly I am. I'm just saying:)

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